How predactible..

Blown off left and right..even when I'm trying to ask a sincere question. And to think..all the time I wasted typing the blog from yesterday.

Some Great Reward

I really need to start posting on this more.. I guess I just get sidetracked too often. Sometimes I wonder if anyone even looks at this blog..maybe someday it'll be a hot spot! HA!

Obviously, it was still summer when I last posted something here. Well, it's still summer right now technically but I'm no longer on vacation. I'm going to be straight forward and say that I can't stand school (Which I now go to full time. Go me.) and that I'm mainly taking it full time to get financial aid (I need some money in my pocket. Obviously I have to buy books, but I'll still have a bit of cash left over. The only problem is that the idiots screwed up on some stuff, so I'm not getting my check until the end of November..about 3 weeks before fall session ends. Awesome.) and to get braces for cheaper through my Dads insurance..totally looking forward to that..NOT.

I'm currently taking a Bible as Literature class, Voice, Music Theory, Piano and Music Appreciation. I go 4 days every week, but I'm just stuck in class all day on Monday and Wednesday. I'm only in my voice class about an hour and a half on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I'm pretty stressed about my Bible and Music Theory class..I still haven't even bought the book that's required to do this class. There's some CD in it that you HAVE to have to do the homework..

Okay, enough about school. I feel like I'm boring myself. I met a girl about 2 weeks ago..She's awesome, but I haven't seen her for about a week now =(. I guess I met this chick at a party 4 years ago..I feel pretty bad, but I don't remember her. She never talked to me at this party though, so there's not that much I can do! I usually don't remember small things like parties.

I was really really shy back then anyways, so I would probably be way too scared to even talk to her..I would have especially been shy because she's quite the looker. Seriously! I'm surprised she digs me so much..She must have really bad taste. HA! Just kidding =)

Well, this girl actually found my Myspace and tried adding me..but I didn't add her at first (I DIDN'T deny her, thank goodness) because I didn't even think she'd be into me..She lives like 5 minutes away from me, by the way so It's nothing long distance (we all know how those go..I posted a pretty big blog describing the outcome of one of those). I saw that she was friends with kind of bro-ish dudes, so I just figured "okay, well I seriously don't think she'd be into me..and I'm done talking to random girls on Myspace. It just leads to trouble.)

Well, obviously I was wrong. I asked a few people about her, since she knew some of my friends, and they said she's awesome..So I finally added her, and started talking to her...not right away though; like I said, I didn't think she'd even be into me. Turns out I was wrong AGAIN! To put things in short, we started talking and eventually she gave me her number (SCORE!) and we started texting back and forth (how cliche, right?) She then tells me about how we met years ago, and how she thought I was attractive back then..Too bad I can't even remember where we met..I seriously do feel like I've seen her around before.

About a month ago, I was at Chucky Cheese (I actually remember this) and she said I got "even hotter" since I cut my hair. So, we eventually meet up and hit it off pretty good..I'm trying to take this slow though, because I really care about this girl and don't want to mess anything up. Hopefully I'll see her today. I miss her.

I've noticed that when I talk about women, I just ramble on for days..But this girl is actually awesome though, so I have faith in her =).

I gotta clean up. I'll be back in 2 months. HA!

Update

As of late, I've just been staying inside and hanging out with friends as much as I can, since I'm going to be pretty busy when I go back to RCC. Speaking of RCC, I was supposed to get a job there (supposedly it was "guaranteed"..) but I got denied for the only job available to me. I saw that coming.

I've been pretty lonely lately. I was talking with two people before, but alas, whenever I wanted to talk on my time, they weren't around. Why do people insist on talking to me if they're going to end up just doing that? I don't understand at all. First you say I'm amazing and gorgeous and then a day later I'm nothing?

I'm not too open about my ventures (with relationships), but everyone says "Well, you don't try enough". The problem is, I really do attempt (I hate using the word "try", because I don't need to be in a relationship..I just want one really bad) to make these happen, but it always (ALWAYS) goes wrong.

I'm just sick of being alone and not having any support for anything.

I can't believe it..

I still don't want to accept this. If it wasn't for Michael Jackson, I would've never even started listening to music. I remember listening to Beat It with my Mom when I was young..I feel like I've lost another chunk of my childhood.

God Bless you Michael..You were/are bigger than life itself.

When will I learn..

I'm such a hopeless romantic..Don't get me wrong though, I don't feel as if I need a woman in my life to make me happy, though i definitely wouldn't mind having one in my life right now. I started talking to another one..She's taken though..so I'm not sure if anything will work out (as of right now), but she says that she would rather be with me, than her boyfriend. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, right? HA!

She says she wants to come visit me, but I'm not sure if that will happen anytime soon (or at all for that matter). I have a bad habit of talking to women who don't live by me. Just my luck, right?

Okay, so I'm going to stop now. Women to me..are personal. I rarely discuss anything with my friends about who I like, etc. I just feel as if it's my business only.

I've got finals tomorrow and on Wednesday. I'm stressing about tomorrow, because none of it is multiple choice..which makes it much more difficult for me. If it's multiple choice, then at least I can spot out a term/word and remember the story behind it. I'm not too worried about my art appreciation final. I'm going to be honest and say I'll probably cheat on some of it (I did it for my mid-terms).

OH YEAH, GETTING YOUR WISDOM TEETH PULLED REALLY REALLY REALLY SUCKS.

Exhaustion

I'm tired of:
Unnecessary shit talking from people in this household
Not having stability
Feeling lonely
Not being able to pursue what I so badly want to do with my life
Having a foul mouth
...I have a lot more, but I would feel like I'm emphasizing too much if I listed every single thing that's bothering me right now.

Things need to change. I'm trying my hardest to be as nice as possible, but it's hard to do when you have so much unnecessary BS filling your mind.
I'm going to overcome all this and accomplish my goals. I will be a singer and get out of this town. I'm dead set on it.

Oh, please.

It's been awhile since I've posted anything here..I just really haven't found the time and patience to type up anything worthwhile.

So I'm 20 now. My Birthday was okay. The week of my Birthday wasn't. I was just let down a lot, to say the least. I saw Depeche Mode in Hollywood for free though. Twas amazing. I had an awesome dinner at some Sushi Restaurant.

School has been..School, if that means anything. I'm not enjoying my classes, but I only have a few more weeks until the Spring session is over. I've been trying to write a 3 page paper about Salvador Dali. I'm just starting on the 3rd page..I'm glad I'm almost done with it because I was flipping out at first.

Relationships..Hmmm...
I would highly suggest never talking to anyone who lives out of state on myspace, or over any sort of communication. I'm typing this out because I was talking with someone for about 2 months or so over myspace. I admit, we had attraction to each other, but to me it was merely a friendship. I figured if I ever met this person, the farthest my relationship would go with her would to go on a date. At first our long distance friendship was going alright until one of her ex's started flipping out because he wanted her back and I was keeping that from happening (I guess?).

So she eventually "severs ties" with the said ex and tells me of all these awful promiscuous things that he's done. Typical scenario, right? Fast forward about a month later, and my "friend" says that someone "took her pictures from her"..(At first I was thinking "What Kind of Pictures?")and that she was extremely upset.

I tried talking to her over the next two days, but alas, I received no responses whatsoever. On Friday night, after numerous calls and texts and a message regarding my concern, she finally answers. In short words, she said that she is accusing me of "leaking" her photos and that she would try getting me in legal trouble (HA!).. This all came off as very bogus to me, because her "resources" were all irrelevant and the person who was "dictating" to her was none other than..You guessed it! Her EX!!!

Okay, now I'm going to be realistic and admit that I lied about one thing (and I'll say it, just because I don't care: I found her though a website community. Such a big deal, right? I told her I found her over a myspace page that was almost partaking to the same thing that the website was. Wow, right?), and I feel bad about that. But for someone that I once called a "friend" to tell me she's going to attempt to get me in legal trouble? At first, these words scared me, because there were about 3 people or so pointing their fingers at me for something I didn't even do.. I actually did some research and found out WHERE her pictures were posted. Her sources and claims were all stupid and irrelevant due to the fact that the post was made almost an entire month before I started talking to her. The blogspot where her pictures were posted was published February 24 2009..I started talking with her Mar 31, 2009..It all adds up sooooooooo well, right?

But really now, the places where her pictures were, were just her MYSPACE (and maybe facebook) pictures. I actually believe there's a user agreement on Myspace once you register, that says you're pictures are open to the public(or your friends). This person also had a STICKAM..Okay now..What do you expect to happen if you add everyone who requests you on myspace and take videos of yourself on stickam in a low cut shirt? And no, none of her Stickam stuff was in the said posts.

But really now. She was the one who posted these photos in the first place. The posts of her on the blog were made before I even knew who she was. It all doesn't add up. Like I said, at first I was scared out of those big bad words she told me, but now I just see it as an empty threat..She doesn't know who EXACTLY posted them, so she turns and points her finger at me because I made one little mistake (a little white lie, if that's a better word).


I realize that was a pretty long explanation of everything, but I figure I might as well type it all out for everyone to see since I really don't care anymore. I hope it all dies down, but If I get someone e-mailing me due to this girls drama then I can just copy this (THE TRUTH) and send it to the said person. Hopefully I won't have to do that though. It just sucks because I had to delete my facebook because of this mess (someone she knew was lurking it..not cool). I used my facebook to talk to my relatives.

So anyways, I guess I learned a valuable lesson. It was dumb for me to talk to (and get close) someone who doesn't even live where I do. I gave into temptation, I guess. Now I know why the sailors would get the "Mans Ruin" tattoos with the pretty ladies adorning them..I'll be honest, I knew why they did that before this happened! Haha!

Time to eat. I'm O U T.

PS: I just remembered the girl told me she was almost kidnapped. If I was behind ALL of this like she's accusing me, then wouldn't someone have contacted me already? I didn't realize I was such an "Evil Mastermind".. Good shit. Pathological liars are for the birds.

...

I'm feeling really depressed right now. For some reason I feel like I've been forgotten by everyone. I'm sick of living where I'm at. I don't feel like my cleaning and whatnot is appreciated around here. My friends girlfriend that lives here continues to gossip and say horrible things about me. I seriously wouldn't be surprised if she was plotting to get me kicked out. If that happens, then so be it.

My spring break has been pretty crappy. I'm not looking forward to going back to my classes. If I could, I'd drop them right now. My art appreciation isn't teaching me anything, and I doubt I'll use my history class for anything. I just wish I could sing..You have no idea how bad I wish I could do that (and by sing, I mean actually using my diaphragm. I have trouble doing that). I just want to play passionate music and tour the world. I see people like "Soulja Boy" (for example) making a living doing what he loves (and lets face it..his music is garbage) and it depresses me. I just wish I was doing something with my self right now. I don't have too much going for me at the moment.

I have a few friends that I hold dear at the moment..I don't even see them that often. I hope I'll feel better..at least on Tuesday. I feel like I don't even exist right now.

Another month..

Not much is new. I've been stressed because I ran a red light (with a camera) and my Mid Terms are next week. Other than that, it's the same old crap. I'm gonna be 20 in a few weeks though.. crazy

Oh yeah, here's the Joy Division piece.

UPDATE

Wow..where to start.

I started going to RCC. I'm really happy that I'm moving forward in life. I'm not really a school person, but I figure that I should go because..
1: My Mom would've wanted me to
2: I qualify for a special grant from Financial Aid, which will pay for all my classes and books and also pay me.
3: I don't really have anything going on in my life right now, so why not?

It's been okay so far. I'm taking Art Appreciation, and History 7 right now. I got into History 7 two weeks late, but I haven't missed that much. All I really need to do is catch up on some reading. I need to draw a "Surreal" picture transcending between reality and a "Dream Like State". I can't draw for shit, so this should be really interesting.

In my last post I spoke of attending Musink..I'd highly suggest NOT going unless you're actually getting tattooed. My friend and I sat around for 5 hours waiting for Danzig to play. Sadly, I didn't get to meet Glenn. Maybe it was for the best. I heard he can be kind of a dick.

While we're on the subject of tattoos, I might as well let you all know my status (Since I figure you all are DYING to know...hahaha. RIGHT?!).
Elbows fully healed now. It actually wasn't as bad getting tattooed in that area as I thought. I was just sat in an uncomfortable position. My elbow looked insanely disgusting afterwards (Because of swelling). I went in again (we're talking about JIM from INKAHOLICS, mind you. www.myspace.com/inkaholics OR www.inkaholics.com ..They don't have to much stuff up on either websites, but you should still check them out either way..) and got my under arm Tim Burton piece done. He did a lot of black shading in it, and wasn't able to color it in but I'm going back the 18th to (hopefully) finish it up.
I went down to High Voltage the other day..You know that shop, right? It's kind of popular..
I kind of regret setting up this appointment so soon. I emailed the guy I wanted to do my piece (DAN SMITH or..Dan "Under") to ask him how much he'd charge me, and he got really excited about the idea I gave him. I got a Microphone with the Joy Division album cover of UNKNOWN PLEASURES embedded in the lines with a banner that says "Heart And Soul" (A Joy Division Song) around the bottom. I originally wanted the script to wrap around the microphone, but Dan drew leaves and thornes around the microphone and put the script at the bottom..It came out really really good. He's a really cool dude, somewhat quiet when he's tattooing but that's understandable. I wanted to go to Dan before he started tattooing in this shop, but things just didn't happen. On a side note, I absolutely HATE HATE HATE driving in Hollywood and LA. It's a nightmare down there, and I felt like shooting myself on the way back.
Check out some of Dans stuff here ---> www.myspace.com/deliverancetattoo Here ---> www.myspace.com/highvoltagetattoo and on his website... http://www.dansmithtattoos.com ..

My allergies were acting up earlier this week. I'm feeling better now, but hopefully they'll stay down.

I'm going to stop now. This is probably the longest blog I've posted. I appreciate your time if you read it all the way through.

Peace and Love,
-B

Under Pressure

I Went to the Doctors today. I actually missed my tattoo appointment on Tuesday. I'm used to going in on Wednesdays, and I just lost track of the time. I'm going in next Wednesday I guess.

My back was killing me on Tuesday..So I figured that I might as well go see a doctor already. I went to a clinic that illegals usually go to (In all honesty), and ended up paying around $70 for the visit and the medicine they prescribed me. I was previously holding off a visit to the doctors because I wanted to wait until I got into school (that way my Dads insurance would cover me and I'd only have to pay $20). I wasn't able to take an X-ray today due to my lack of cash, So I'm supposed to go back next week.

I was talking with my dear friend while I was waiting. I really shouldn't have said anything, because now her and her Brother want to give me money.

I'm really trying to save my money, but to be quiet honest, I haven't been spending it on the wisest things (whenever I take some out to eat..or do whatever).
I told them this, and that I'm fine (financially) yet they still insist on giving me some.

I'm just really worried at the moment. I just really, really hope that I don't have Pneumothorax. Apparently my lungs are okay, but I'm having back/chest pain (mainly back, mind you) that makes it feel like I'm not breathing enough air into my right lung.

Who knows, maybe I'm just worrying too much. I just hope everything turns out fine. I'm thankful for everything I have (and believe me, I have a lot more than other people) and have come so far. I'm still busy enrolling in RCC, and I don't want anything to hold me back from..well, moving forward.

If anyone could pray for me, I'd deeply appreciate it. Thanks a ton.

Recent Stuff

Everythings been alright as of late. I just beat Final Fantasy VI right now..Easily one of the best games I've Ever played. They should seriously make a movie out of it (as well as the rest of the series).

My day didn't consist of much. I met with a counseler at RCC. I've been busy trying to register for financial aid and choose which classes I want to take. I still plan on doing cosmetology, but until I actually start, I might as well take a couple of classes. Why not, right?

My computer actually was in bad shape last week. I was stupid and ran it too much without turning it off, and the Hard Drive was starting to fail. Luckily my aunts friend fixed it up for me..Bad thing is, 3/4s of my music files were lost. I'm still trying to cope with that. :(

I suggest seeing "Notorious". Even if you don't really like Biggie, I'd suggest checking it out. It's a shame that he passed on so young.


I've gotta upload some more music to my itunes..This might take awhile. Until Then..


PS.
My Newest Addition:

It's been awhile

I need to get up to date with all these journals/blogs. Christmas was pretty awesome, although I got pretty sick.. I've found a few Church's that interest me. I'm usually pretty skeptical about Church's in general, so I'm pretty pleased that I've found some that are good.

I've been trying to sign up to RCC as soon as possible. I'm praying that I'll be able to get financial aid. I've been having to live off of my money in my savings account..it sucks a lot.

I got a citation for my registration sticker on the back of my car (it was 08). I got it taken care of though. Hopefully I can just send in proof that I got it taken care of so I won't have to go to court. Cops are horrible people.

I've been worried about my Dad. I talked to him on Saturday, and apparently he got hurt walking up his stairs and he's now having a lot of muscle spasms. I really hope he's alright. He's always been a trooper, and it makes me sick with worry that he actually might be hurt pretty bad.

It's almost 1. Better get to bed.