Exhaustion

I'm tired of:
Unnecessary shit talking from people in this household
Not having stability
Feeling lonely
Not being able to pursue what I so badly want to do with my life
Having a foul mouth
...I have a lot more, but I would feel like I'm emphasizing too much if I listed every single thing that's bothering me right now.

Things need to change. I'm trying my hardest to be as nice as possible, but it's hard to do when you have so much unnecessary BS filling your mind.
I'm going to overcome all this and accomplish my goals. I will be a singer and get out of this town. I'm dead set on it.

Oh, please.

It's been awhile since I've posted anything here..I just really haven't found the time and patience to type up anything worthwhile.

So I'm 20 now. My Birthday was okay. The week of my Birthday wasn't. I was just let down a lot, to say the least. I saw Depeche Mode in Hollywood for free though. Twas amazing. I had an awesome dinner at some Sushi Restaurant.

School has been..School, if that means anything. I'm not enjoying my classes, but I only have a few more weeks until the Spring session is over. I've been trying to write a 3 page paper about Salvador Dali. I'm just starting on the 3rd page..I'm glad I'm almost done with it because I was flipping out at first.

Relationships..Hmmm...
I would highly suggest never talking to anyone who lives out of state on myspace, or over any sort of communication. I'm typing this out because I was talking with someone for about 2 months or so over myspace. I admit, we had attraction to each other, but to me it was merely a friendship. I figured if I ever met this person, the farthest my relationship would go with her would to go on a date. At first our long distance friendship was going alright until one of her ex's started flipping out because he wanted her back and I was keeping that from happening (I guess?).

So she eventually "severs ties" with the said ex and tells me of all these awful promiscuous things that he's done. Typical scenario, right? Fast forward about a month later, and my "friend" says that someone "took her pictures from her"..(At first I was thinking "What Kind of Pictures?")and that she was extremely upset.

I tried talking to her over the next two days, but alas, I received no responses whatsoever. On Friday night, after numerous calls and texts and a message regarding my concern, she finally answers. In short words, she said that she is accusing me of "leaking" her photos and that she would try getting me in legal trouble (HA!).. This all came off as very bogus to me, because her "resources" were all irrelevant and the person who was "dictating" to her was none other than..You guessed it! Her EX!!!

Okay, now I'm going to be realistic and admit that I lied about one thing (and I'll say it, just because I don't care: I found her though a website community. Such a big deal, right? I told her I found her over a myspace page that was almost partaking to the same thing that the website was. Wow, right?), and I feel bad about that. But for someone that I once called a "friend" to tell me she's going to attempt to get me in legal trouble? At first, these words scared me, because there were about 3 people or so pointing their fingers at me for something I didn't even do.. I actually did some research and found out WHERE her pictures were posted. Her sources and claims were all stupid and irrelevant due to the fact that the post was made almost an entire month before I started talking to her. The blogspot where her pictures were posted was published February 24 2009..I started talking with her Mar 31, 2009..It all adds up sooooooooo well, right?

But really now, the places where her pictures were, were just her MYSPACE (and maybe facebook) pictures. I actually believe there's a user agreement on Myspace once you register, that says you're pictures are open to the public(or your friends). This person also had a STICKAM..Okay now..What do you expect to happen if you add everyone who requests you on myspace and take videos of yourself on stickam in a low cut shirt? And no, none of her Stickam stuff was in the said posts.

But really now. She was the one who posted these photos in the first place. The posts of her on the blog were made before I even knew who she was. It all doesn't add up. Like I said, at first I was scared out of those big bad words she told me, but now I just see it as an empty threat..She doesn't know who EXACTLY posted them, so she turns and points her finger at me because I made one little mistake (a little white lie, if that's a better word).


I realize that was a pretty long explanation of everything, but I figure I might as well type it all out for everyone to see since I really don't care anymore. I hope it all dies down, but If I get someone e-mailing me due to this girls drama then I can just copy this (THE TRUTH) and send it to the said person. Hopefully I won't have to do that though. It just sucks because I had to delete my facebook because of this mess (someone she knew was lurking it..not cool). I used my facebook to talk to my relatives.

So anyways, I guess I learned a valuable lesson. It was dumb for me to talk to (and get close) someone who doesn't even live where I do. I gave into temptation, I guess. Now I know why the sailors would get the "Mans Ruin" tattoos with the pretty ladies adorning them..I'll be honest, I knew why they did that before this happened! Haha!

Time to eat. I'm O U T.

PS: I just remembered the girl told me she was almost kidnapped. If I was behind ALL of this like she's accusing me, then wouldn't someone have contacted me already? I didn't realize I was such an "Evil Mastermind".. Good shit. Pathological liars are for the birds.

...

I'm feeling really depressed right now. For some reason I feel like I've been forgotten by everyone. I'm sick of living where I'm at. I don't feel like my cleaning and whatnot is appreciated around here. My friends girlfriend that lives here continues to gossip and say horrible things about me. I seriously wouldn't be surprised if she was plotting to get me kicked out. If that happens, then so be it.

My spring break has been pretty crappy. I'm not looking forward to going back to my classes. If I could, I'd drop them right now. My art appreciation isn't teaching me anything, and I doubt I'll use my history class for anything. I just wish I could sing..You have no idea how bad I wish I could do that (and by sing, I mean actually using my diaphragm. I have trouble doing that). I just want to play passionate music and tour the world. I see people like "Soulja Boy" (for example) making a living doing what he loves (and lets face it..his music is garbage) and it depresses me. I just wish I was doing something with my self right now. I don't have too much going for me at the moment.

I have a few friends that I hold dear at the moment..I don't even see them that often. I hope I'll feel better..at least on Tuesday. I feel like I don't even exist right now.

Another month..

Not much is new. I've been stressed because I ran a red light (with a camera) and my Mid Terms are next week. Other than that, it's the same old crap. I'm gonna be 20 in a few weeks though.. crazy

Oh yeah, here's the Joy Division piece.

UPDATE

Wow..where to start.

I started going to RCC. I'm really happy that I'm moving forward in life. I'm not really a school person, but I figure that I should go because..
1: My Mom would've wanted me to
2: I qualify for a special grant from Financial Aid, which will pay for all my classes and books and also pay me.
3: I don't really have anything going on in my life right now, so why not?

It's been okay so far. I'm taking Art Appreciation, and History 7 right now. I got into History 7 two weeks late, but I haven't missed that much. All I really need to do is catch up on some reading. I need to draw a "Surreal" picture transcending between reality and a "Dream Like State". I can't draw for shit, so this should be really interesting.

In my last post I spoke of attending Musink..I'd highly suggest NOT going unless you're actually getting tattooed. My friend and I sat around for 5 hours waiting for Danzig to play. Sadly, I didn't get to meet Glenn. Maybe it was for the best. I heard he can be kind of a dick.

While we're on the subject of tattoos, I might as well let you all know my status (Since I figure you all are DYING to know...hahaha. RIGHT?!).
Elbows fully healed now. It actually wasn't as bad getting tattooed in that area as I thought. I was just sat in an uncomfortable position. My elbow looked insanely disgusting afterwards (Because of swelling). I went in again (we're talking about JIM from INKAHOLICS, mind you. www.myspace.com/inkaholics OR www.inkaholics.com ..They don't have to much stuff up on either websites, but you should still check them out either way..) and got my under arm Tim Burton piece done. He did a lot of black shading in it, and wasn't able to color it in but I'm going back the 18th to (hopefully) finish it up.
I went down to High Voltage the other day..You know that shop, right? It's kind of popular..
I kind of regret setting up this appointment so soon. I emailed the guy I wanted to do my piece (DAN SMITH or..Dan "Under") to ask him how much he'd charge me, and he got really excited about the idea I gave him. I got a Microphone with the Joy Division album cover of UNKNOWN PLEASURES embedded in the lines with a banner that says "Heart And Soul" (A Joy Division Song) around the bottom. I originally wanted the script to wrap around the microphone, but Dan drew leaves and thornes around the microphone and put the script at the bottom..It came out really really good. He's a really cool dude, somewhat quiet when he's tattooing but that's understandable. I wanted to go to Dan before he started tattooing in this shop, but things just didn't happen. On a side note, I absolutely HATE HATE HATE driving in Hollywood and LA. It's a nightmare down there, and I felt like shooting myself on the way back.
Check out some of Dans stuff here ---> www.myspace.com/deliverancetattoo Here ---> www.myspace.com/highvoltagetattoo and on his website... http://www.dansmithtattoos.com ..

My allergies were acting up earlier this week. I'm feeling better now, but hopefully they'll stay down.

I'm going to stop now. This is probably the longest blog I've posted. I appreciate your time if you read it all the way through.

Peace and Love,
-B

Under Pressure

I Went to the Doctors today. I actually missed my tattoo appointment on Tuesday. I'm used to going in on Wednesdays, and I just lost track of the time. I'm going in next Wednesday I guess.

My back was killing me on Tuesday..So I figured that I might as well go see a doctor already. I went to a clinic that illegals usually go to (In all honesty), and ended up paying around $70 for the visit and the medicine they prescribed me. I was previously holding off a visit to the doctors because I wanted to wait until I got into school (that way my Dads insurance would cover me and I'd only have to pay $20). I wasn't able to take an X-ray today due to my lack of cash, So I'm supposed to go back next week.

I was talking with my dear friend while I was waiting. I really shouldn't have said anything, because now her and her Brother want to give me money.

I'm really trying to save my money, but to be quiet honest, I haven't been spending it on the wisest things (whenever I take some out to eat..or do whatever).
I told them this, and that I'm fine (financially) yet they still insist on giving me some.

I'm just really worried at the moment. I just really, really hope that I don't have Pneumothorax. Apparently my lungs are okay, but I'm having back/chest pain (mainly back, mind you) that makes it feel like I'm not breathing enough air into my right lung.

Who knows, maybe I'm just worrying too much. I just hope everything turns out fine. I'm thankful for everything I have (and believe me, I have a lot more than other people) and have come so far. I'm still busy enrolling in RCC, and I don't want anything to hold me back from..well, moving forward.

If anyone could pray for me, I'd deeply appreciate it. Thanks a ton.

Recent Stuff

Everythings been alright as of late. I just beat Final Fantasy VI right now..Easily one of the best games I've Ever played. They should seriously make a movie out of it (as well as the rest of the series).

My day didn't consist of much. I met with a counseler at RCC. I've been busy trying to register for financial aid and choose which classes I want to take. I still plan on doing cosmetology, but until I actually start, I might as well take a couple of classes. Why not, right?

My computer actually was in bad shape last week. I was stupid and ran it too much without turning it off, and the Hard Drive was starting to fail. Luckily my aunts friend fixed it up for me..Bad thing is, 3/4s of my music files were lost. I'm still trying to cope with that. :(

I suggest seeing "Notorious". Even if you don't really like Biggie, I'd suggest checking it out. It's a shame that he passed on so young.


I've gotta upload some more music to my itunes..This might take awhile. Until Then..


PS.
My Newest Addition: